On the Brink
by aixla
Summary: Oz returns to Sunnydale, and finds that everything has changed.


On the Brink

by Ailie

Dedicated to the Karen, who has been riding me for months to get off my ass and break through this writer's block!

Spoilers for season 7 ... just in case you're living under a rock somewhere.

I thought I had prepared myself for this. It's not like I had anything else to think about the past three days. As soon as the news broke I was on the first plane home ... then a bus, a boat, another plane ... and every place the conversation was the same. Every television and radio channel was claiming to have the latest breaking news on the "situation" in Sunnydale ... although there's only so much you can say about a giant hole in the ground.

Various theories were being touted by every self proclaimed "expert" that ever existed. Given Sunnydale is ... was ... a primary piece of real estate on the biggest fault line in the country, everyone's first thought was that "the big one" had finally come. Panic stricken Californians began mass evacuations, despite reassurances from seismologists insisting that earthquakes just didn't behave this way. Various religious sects had declared that the end of days had arrived, but considering that these were the same people who claimed to see Jesus in a piece of peanut butter toast no on was really paying any attention to them. A cult in North Dakota decided to blow themselves up in an effort to please whatever alien force had destroyed Sunnydale. By far the funniest response was Homeland Security's decision to raise the terror alert level to red. "Red Herring" would be more appropriate. The government likes to keep it's people worried about a possible threat from overseas, rather than educate them about the very real and present dangers that lurk in the sewers beneath our streets.

Anyway, I thought I had prepared myself for this. But the human mind just isn't built to handle destruction on this kind of scale. I stood on the edge of the crater where my hometown once stood, and finally understood those famous words about having the abyss stare into you ...

I fell to my knees, glad that I had managed to find a spot far from the reporters and gawkers. They had come to be a part of the spectacle, to be able to tell their children and grandchildren that they had actually been to the former site of Sunnydale.

I had come to visit a grave.

The papers were calling Sunnydale a miracle town. Although officials were having a difficult time getting exact figures, it appeared that there had been almost no casualties. For some reason a mass migration had occurred just before ... well ... just before whatever happened, happened. Former residents who were interviewed said that they couldn't exactly put their finger on what was wrong, they just knew they had to leave. Some were even claiming to have experienced "visions" telling them of the destruction to come. For whatever reasons, the town was almost deserted when it was obliterated.

But I know four people who stayed until the very end. And by rights, I should have been there with them. I've had a grasp on myself and the beast within me for a long time now. I'd thought often of going back, of being with my family again. There were so many reasons to stay away; I didn't want to disrupt her life, make anyone uncomfortable. Besides, I was happy where I was. I was exploring the world, learning new things, making a new life for myself.

Bullshit.

The truth was that I was scared. Scared to see how they had all moved on without me. Scared to see what they had accomplished without me. Scared that they might not need or want me around anymore. Scared ... scared that she would tell me to leave.

Because of my fear I was still here, and my friends were not. Could I have contributed anything? Changed anything? Probably not. But at least I would have been there. I should have been there! I slammed my fists into the ground, a low growl emanating from the beast within me. The change began ... it had been so long since I lost control of myself this way. I welcomed the bone-popping pain, because it blocked out the claws of grief and guilt that were shredding my soul. Clothes ripped and fell away, but the sorrow remained. Ironic. I had spent years learning how to hold on to my humanity while in wolf form, and now I wished I could go back to the cold, uncaring mind of the beast. I took a great breath and prepared to voice my pain and frustration for all the world to hear ...

Could it really be? I inhaled again. It was faint, but definitely there. Willow, or traces of her scent, anyway. She had been here. She had been here recently, which meant she had survived. She was alive! She was out there, somewhere. She was out there and I was going to find her. Fears no longer mattered; I thought I had lost her once, and I would not lose her again.

I lifted my muzzle into the wind and found her scent. Weak, but trackable. I would find her. I would find her and make up for not being there when I should have been. I would find her and apologize for being driven by my fears. I would find her, and we would be a family again.


End file.
